A Moment of Truth

The need to feel important.

Lately, I've been working on healing my inner child, and let me say I wasn't ready. I took myself on a journey and uncovered a lot of trauma that's been buried deep within me. It caught me off guard with some of the traumas that resurfaced because I thought I had healed those things, but as I sat there with my eyes closed talking to little Racquel, I realized that all I'd done was put a band-aid over it.🩹

It's funny how sometimes the motivator needs motivation. A few weeks ago, I found myself on the opposite end of what I am for others, which was a very different experience. The awareness of where I stood at that moment didn't click until I was talking to a friend of mine. First, I want to say the company you keep matters. You need people who will push you and be gentle with you. Thankfully, I have both. I confided in my friend about some things I've been experiencing, and she offered her advice on what I can do to push me forward. One of the main things she said to me was, "I have to stop waiting on others to see how great I am in order to receive an opportunity. I have to show up and put myself out there." What she said was nothing new to me, but it was said when I'd already been thinking about showing up for myself more. So, I was already aware of it. It also came in at a time when I had to close the door to Purposely You. I was mentally in a space of what do I do now?

A reflective moment on the beach🪞

Being the reflective person I am, I sat with what closing that door really meant. The revelation was that I needed to focus more on myself and the many talents God has blessed me with and to share that with the world. For example, I've been painting for 15 years, but there were major breaks throughout those years. Sure, it's okay to take small breaks, but I love painting, and the fact that I lack consistency in something I love hurts my soul. Unfortunately, it's not the only passion in which I've struggled to maintain consistency. My wheels were turning, trying to figure out why I lacked consistency in those things and with myself. Then, it hit me. I tend to run away from the things I want and love.

Little Racquel faced many challenges, which started within the school system. My self-esteem was damaged by the low grades, failed tests, and being mocked for struggling with reading comprehension. So, doubting myself started early in my life. Those childhood experiences programmed me to believe I wasn't enough and couldn't produce anything of value. That doubt has gone years without being addressed. Unresolved trauma caused me to run away from things I love and wanted. I made myself small by hiding behind "things" and "people," which put me in the space of feeling unimportant.

Not feeling important will make you believe that you don't belong. When, in fact, you do belong, and the world needs what God has placed within you. Feeling unimportant had me overthinking every decision and idea that came across my mind. I turned into a true over-thinker who became indecisive and had uncompleted goals. The war within became louder and louder throughout my life, putting me through a cycle that kept spinning. Things started to slow down the day I heard God say, "TRUST ME." I had no clue why He said that until it was time to close the doors on Purposely You, and I was able to stop spinning finally. I was lost for a minute, wondering what to do next. Like clockwork, my mind, body, and soul knew what to do, and I was redirected to focus on myself. The path has been cleared, and I now see that I need to give myself some attention.

Graphic by @dodlessi

I am the only person who can make me feel important. The power is within me. As I explore this space of putting myself first, I've concluded that it takes many forms. There's the self-care side, the stand up for yourself side, the be purposely you side, the operating in your gifts side, and whatever you discover along your journey in life side. Standing up for myself has a new meaning now: not to put myself on the back burner but to operate freely in myself.

In honor of entering a new chapter of my life, I am leaving behind old ways and allowing this to be my reset. In reality, we can start over whenever we want. It's wild how simple things are, but we make them complicated. I will continue to work on healing my inner child, prioritizing my gifts, and freeing myself from overthinking. Cheers to creating great things, making ourselves feel important, and remember to keep living life with a smile.

💭 If you've gone through the same thing or are currently experiencing it and want to share your thoughts, please share it in the comment section.

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📧:RacquelBiancaJohn@gmail.com